Suicide Warning Signs

Suicide is the leading cause of death for Australians aged between 15 and 44, with around 3,000 people dying by suicide every year. That's an average of eight people every day.1 For every suicide, there are tragic ripple effects for friends, families, colleagues and the broader community.

If someone you know seems to be struggling, reach out and connect with them. Showing that you care could make a huge difference in their life. If you are struggling yourself, you might feel better if you reach out for support, get treatment and start taking steps towards recovery.

What are the warning signs?

Sometimes, when a person has a deteriorating mental health condition or a person faces a serious, negative life situation, he or she may consider suicide or harming him or herself.

This is not the case for everyone with depression or anxiety, but it’s important to be aware that for some people their condition may become so severe that they may believe these actions are their only option to relieve unbearable pain. The video below features extracts from interviews with beyondblue's blueVoices members reflecting on the warning signs they saw with their family and friends who died by suicide.

Talking to someone about your suicidal feelings

Having suicidal thoughts can be scary. You may have never had them before, or perhaps the thoughts have been there for a while and you are not sure what to do.

You may be ashamed to talk about it or worry that people will judge you or not take you seriously and just tell you to “Get over it”. But talking to someone you trust and feel comfortable with to about how you are feeling can help. 

The Have the conversation pages on this website provides helpful tips on how you can find the words to say how you feel.

Let someone know

• Share how you feel with someone you trust and feel comfortable with, a family member, teacher, doctor or other health professional.
• Try and think about it as any other conversation. You can describe what has happened, how you feel and what help you need. It’s best to be direct so that they understand how you feel.
• Be prepared for their reaction. Often people who learn that someone is suicidal can be quite confused and emotional at first. Just keep talking and together you can find a way through it.
• Ask your friends/family member to help you find support; in person, online, over the phone.
• Understand that others do care. It is important to have support from your friends but if you tell them about your suicidal thoughts you cannot expect them to keep it a secret. They want to be able to help you stay safe and that usually means calling in extra help.

What is safety planning?

If you or someone close to you is experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, safety planning can help you get through the tough moments. 

It involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis.

Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals.

While everyone’s plan will be unique to them, the process and structure are the same – it prompts you to work through the steps until you feel safe.

Content from https://www.beyondblue.org.au

Womens Health Week

Women are known for putting others first. But when it comes to your health it is important to prioritise your own needs and speak up when you need support.

While good mental health is essential to the overall health of both men and women, women experience some mental health conditions at higher rates than men.

In fact, around 1 in 5 women in Australia will experience depression and 1 in 3 women will experience anxiety during their lifetime. Women also experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and eating disorders at higher rates than men.

Depression and anxiety can affect women at any time in their life but there is an increased chance during pregnancy and the year following the birth of a baby. Up to 1 in 10 women experience depression while they are pregnant and 1 in 7 women experience depression during the first year after birth. Anxiety conditions are thought to be as common with many women experiencing both conditions at the same time.

There are a range of ways in which you can care for your mental health to help improve your quality of life for you and the people you love. The important thing to remember is that effective treatments are available and, with the right care, most people recover.

Factors affecting women

Major life transitions such as pregnancy, motherhood and menopause can create physical and emotional stresses for women. Negative life experiences – infertility and perinatal loss, poverty, discrimination, violence, unemployment and isolation – also impact on women's mental health and wellbeing. Unequal economic and social conditions also contribute to women's higher risk of depression. Some of the situations that can contribute to anxiety and depression in women include:

Caring for or supporting others

Over two thirds of primary carers are women, caring for partners, parents and children. While this brings joy to many, managing competing paid and unpaid work demands can have an impact on physical and mental health, financial security and independence.

Relationship breakdown

When a relationship ends, it can bring with it losses in every area of life; financial security, social connections, housing and relationships with children can all be affected. As a result, women who are separated, divorced or widowed are more likely to experience mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. It is normal to feel upset or sad following a relationship breakdown – or to lose pleasure in your usual activities. When these feelings persist and start to impact your daily life, it is time to talk to someone about how you are feeling and reach out for support.

Violence or abuse

To maintain good mental health and wellbeing, women need to feel safe and respected in their relationships. One in four Australian women has experienced physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner1 and one in four has experienced emotional abuse by a current or former partner. Of those women who experience violence, more than half have children in their care.

Experiences of violence and assault as well as emotional, physical and sexual abuse have devastating effects on women’s health and wellbeing. This can include depression and anxiety, drug and alcohol misuse, suicidal thoughts or attempts and post-traumatic stress. Often, due to fear and a belief there are no other options, women stay in relationships that cause them significant pain and distress. It is important for people to remember that they are not responsible for the abusive behaviour of others, and that help is available.

Discrimination based on sexuality or gender identity Women who identify as lesbian, bisexual and other sexualities experience higher rates of anxiety and depression than heterosexual women. These woman are at greater risk of suicide and self-harm if they experience discrimination, exclusion, bullying and abuse. The risk of mental health issues can also increase if they do not have family or community support.

Transgender women and other gender diverse people have also been shown to experience high rates of anxiety, depression and suicide risk as a result of experiencing barriers to support, discrimination, and exclusion.

Infertility and perinatal loss

For many women, the journey to motherhood includes infertility and miscarriage or stillbirth. For some, the desire to be a mother is not fulfilled. Around one in six couples face infertility, as many as one in four identified pregnancies end in miscarriage4, and one in 100 births result in stillbirth or newborn death. These losses can have a devastating impact on the emotional and mental wellbeing of women who have a strong desire to be a mum. Grief associated with these losses is mostly private and not often acknowledged. Without acknowledgement or support, a women can be left feeling lost and alone which can further impact their mental health.

Speaking to someone you trust is critical in maintaining mental health during the stresses and pain of infertility and perinatal loss.

Pregnancy, having a baby and becoming a mother (perinatal)

It's not uncommon for women to experience depression and anxiety during pregnancy and after the birth of a baby. Up to 1 in 10 women experience depression while they are pregnant6 and 1 in 7 women experience depression during the first year after birth. Anxiety conditions are thought to be as common with many women experiencing both conditions at the same time. Adjusting to this major life change – as well as coping with the day-to-day challenges of early motherhood – can leave some women more likely to experience depression or anxiety particularly if they've experienced depression or anxiety in the past.

Menopause

Menopause can increase the risk of developing mental health issues. Hormone changes in the years leading to menopause (perimenopause) can cause mood swings and irritability and can contribute to depression and anxiety. Changes in hormonal levels can also result in a range of physical challenges such as hot flushes, night sweats, interrupted sleep patterns and weight gain – all of which can affect mental health.

Menopause can occur at a stage in life where responsibilities and relationships are also under transition. For some, this involves raising young people or supporting adult children to live independently, or caring for older adults. For many this is also a time of increased work opportunities and responsibilities.

Women who experience surgical or early menopause can be at even greater risk of depression. It is important to speak to your doctor about your wellbeing as well as your physical health. Treatment and support is available.

Activities such as eating well and keeping active – and doing the things you enjoy – are key to improving your wellbeing during menopause.

Content from beyondblue

Sleep is your freind

Sleepy Tips

You need 8+ hours per night

We think about sleep constantly. It's as important as eating, breathing and walking the dog, but for many people sleep often plays hard-to-get and is a huge problem in our society.

Here's some sleepy tips to help maximise those eight+ hours a night.

1. Set your alarm clock for the same time each day.

Getting up in the morning is never pleasant but going to bed and getting up at similar times each day is the best way to train your body. This lets our internal body clock build a strong sleep wake cycle. Yes, even weekends, although sleeping in makes sense if you have had a series of late nights and have to catch up on lost sleep.

Set your alarm the same time each day...

Train Your Body Clock

2. Make your bedroom as sleep friendly as possible.

The bedroom should be quiet, dark and always comfortable. Getting the right room temperature is essential, along with a comfortable bed, pillows and bedding. Electronic devices, such as mobile phones, tablets and laptops are a danger zone for distraction, so best to leave them outside the bedroom. If you have a clock that you can see in the night, turn it around to face the wall.

3. Start your sleep wind down at least two hours before bed.

Many of us need to wind down before going to bed. Exercise is great to clear your mind and help you sleep but try and steer clear of it late in the evening. Also make sure your last meal of the day is at least two hours before bed. In the hour before bed, avoid computer games and using any mobile devices. TV shows that overstimulate are also not a good idea. It also pays to keep the TV out of the bedroom.

4. Spending too much time napping during the day.

Only nap if you really need to. If so, try to keep the nap short, no more than 20 minutes. Naps longer than this can make you feel groggy for a while afterwards. Also try not to nap past mid- afternoon as this can make it hard to get to sleep at the right time at night.

5. Don't stay in bed if you are unable to sleep. Staying in bed if you can't sleep can often make you feel more annoyed and frustrated. It is better to get out of bed and go to another quiet, dimly lit room. Stay there until you feel sleepy. Sleepiness comes in waves, wait for yours and then go back to bed. To stay in bed feeling upset can start to build a link in your mind between the bed and lack of sleep. This is the opposite of what you need to sleep.

6. Thinking the problem with your sleep is worse than it really is.

Many people who find it hard to either get to sleep or stay asleep become more worried about it. It is also common for people to think they have less sleep than they really do. Often poor sleepers are not good at knowing whether they are awake or asleep. Use relaxation as one of the techniques to help. Tell yourself that rest is good, even if you are not asleep. Remember sleep is the best medicine in town.

If you continue to have problems and can't sort these out for yourself, there is plenty of help available through M&Co. Your GP can help you, along with one of our clinicians to come up with a plan to get SLEEP!

Content used by permission. Check out more info here on sleep! https://www.sleephealthfoundation.org.au

The Art of Communication

Here I am, doing something completely new and foreign to me, writing a blog. As a Clinical Psychologist a lot of my writing tends to be highly structured, scientific and formal. What a great experience to express my knowledge and skills more informally.

The art of communication is an area that is explored in depth in the therapy room. Communication, both verbal and non-verbal are the key to our connection to others. Without these tools we would feel isolated, alone and have difficulty having our needs met. In fact we probably would not survive for long! This makes effective communication an important thing to master! Very rarely would I experience a therapy session in which communication was not explored or discussed. However before jumping into “HOW” of mastering the art of communication we have a fair amount of work to do first.

Often people come to therapy describing feelings of; frustration, anger, disappointment, and confusion in their relationships. Perhaps there is conflict, perhaps silence and avoidance. They may know “WHAT” they want to say, but due to a range of reasons (often fear) they are unable to communicate their message clearly or at all. At other times we go about our interactions with very little awareness of ‘WHY’ we are communicating.

This leads me to a very simple breakdown of “WHY” we communicate:

At times we communicate with those around us because we need to achieve something. Perhaps we need to arrange a dinner date, figure out who is picking up the kids from school, or make a dental appointment.

At other times we may prioritise our relationships. Relationships require love, attention and nurturing to survive. When was the last time you called your mum just to see how she was, or called an old friend to “catch up”.

Finally, we sometimes need to communicate our needs, dislikes or issues that conflict with our personal goals or values. Has a friend let you down? Do you need to stand up to someone who you observe bullying or harassing another? Do you need to discipline your child for breaking a family rule?

We may enter conversations with others with these objectives in mind. However great disappointment and self criticism may come if we walk away without meeting our particular objective. We may walk away feeling as though we were unsuccessful or “kicking ourselves”. Maybe fear stopped us from expressing our feelings or needs. Maybe anger took hold and “what” I had to say, was lost by “how” I said it. Perhaps I was lost in my own thoughts, second guessing whether what I had to say was important, smart enough or worthwhile. We can walk away from such interactions feeling unheard, unappreciated, less confident, or feeling guilt and regret.

Next time you have a conversation, take a moment before hand to reflect upon what the purpose of this conversation is? What do i want to achieve?

1) Do I need to achieve an outcome at the end of this conversation (e.g. gain an answer to a question, have an appointment booking, or a plan in place?)

2) Am i trying to nurture a relationship through showing interest, expressing feelings or maintaining connection?

3) Do I need to communicate that I am dissatisfied, unhappy or need something to change?

Perhaps I need to do all three!

An awareness of our self is critical to improving our communication and relationships. Knowing our values, our priorities and understanding our own inner workings can help us to better respond in our relationships. The therapy room can be a place to explore and clarify your values, priorities and objectives. Understanding our own thought processes, including our judgements, assumptions and predictions can help us identify barriers to communication. Understanding our feelings and learning skills to manage our distress can also help us to respond differently. As such, understanding ourself is the first step in learning the “art of communication’.

Regards Louisa :)

Check out our latest Masters Class for couples this Friday Night Click Here>

Masters & Co. - Louisa Rehak Introdution from julian masters on Vimeo.

Infant Mental Health Week

Below is a letter from your baby to help you on this journey called parenting!

Dear Mum and Dad,

This first year is pretty intense, isn’t it? You’re adjusting to huge changes in your world. So am I! It’s going to take time and patience for us to figure things out together. I can’t tell you in words yet what I feel and what I need. A lot of the time you’ll have to guess, and you won’t always get it right. But please keep trying. Just the way you keep trying reassures me that you love me, and that’s the most important thing I need to know. When you look at me and smile, it feels wonderful. When you talk and sing to me, I’m comforted by your voice, and I learn about sounds, rhythm and language. When you gently rock or dance with me, it teaches me to enjoy moving. When you hold me in your arms, I learn about touch. I love it when you’re interested in exploring the world with me. Sometimes I’ll get scared, and I need to know I can always come back to you and feel safe again. That’s how I’ll get confident exploring and learning. When I’m in danger and don’t realise it, I need you to protect me. You keep watching and I’ll keep changing. You have my permission to be amazed by me! While I’m figuring out how the world works, it’s nice if the same kind of things happen around the same time each day. But I don’t need really strict routines – I can’t read a watch yet! Somewhere in the middle is great. Don’t get too stressed out by all the advice you hear and read. We’re working this out together, day by day. I will cry when I’m uncomfortable. I will cry when I’m hurt. I will cry when I’m afraid. I never cry because I am upset with you. Try to stay calm: that will help me feel calm. Get other grown-ups to help you. Eventually I’ll get better at calming myself – but there’ll always be times when I need comfort from you. The work we put into this relationship now will pay off for the rest of my life. Sometimes it’s all too much. If I turn away, it might mean I need to take a break. When I’m distressed, try to stay with me and comfort me, even when that’s hard for you. Sometimes it might help to distract me, but most often it helps to just hold me, so I feel someone understands. Show me that I don’t need to be afraid of my big feelings. I know sometimes we don’t get along. Our relationship doesn’t need to be perfect. When we have a problem, I need you to repair things between us and be with me again afterwards. I need to know we can get through these things together. This ‘growing up’ is hard work. Please keep being patient with both of us – you can’t ever be ‘too’ kind to me. Being a parent is the most important job you’ll ever do, and the most rewarding. We’re going on an amazing journey together and it’s just beginning. Don’t be afraid of your big feelings. Enjoy me, delight in me, take it one step at a time. We’ve got this.

All my love, Your Baby

Used by permission of Andrew Roberts, Author[][1]

The Art of Managing Conflict in an Intimate Relationship

My wife and I were chatting the other day and both remarked that it would have been so beneficial in the early days of our marriage to be able to have seen a psychologist for some couples therapy and/or to learn some skills to enhance our relationship. Unfortunately ours was the era where we just had to learn the hard way by trial and error! Fortunately we learnt! However, it took us a while longer and at higher cost than was necessary! Nowadays as a registered psychologist, the ability to convey insight into how relationships function and skills to enhance relationships is one of the prime reasons why I love working with couples seeking support in their relationship. So here is some fundamental truths that will help you in your relationship now!

Research shows that the most problematic issues, conflict or differences in relationships don’t get solved (69% in fact). At best they can only be managed. Indeed the reason for this is that most challenging issues in which couples get ‘trapped in’ have more to do with character differences and personality traits. For example, Steve values organisation and neatness; whereas Sarah couldn’t care less about organisation and believes sharing time with friends is most important. Steve loves spending money – Sarah loves saving money. Steve loves hot weather holidays – Sarah loves cold weather holiday’s etc etc. Additionally, there are often major differences in our families of origin, cultures and family traditions, personal values and beliefs, passions and interests among many more differences. The list is long and the differences that typically attracted us to each other, end up being the ones that repel us after a while?! As such, coming to understand and accept that these differences will remain, and learning to manage, not solve problems, are among the most effective skills we can learn to master our intimate relationships.

Therefore I encourage my clients with the following strategies: 1. Change your mindset It's not conflict in a relationship that is bad, it is not managing it constructively which is bad! The aim is not to think "my relationship is doomed" because we have conflict or to think the goal is to remove all conflict. The goal is to see how we can manage/negotiate a win/win solution that allows us to function and enjoy our diversity and differences. 2. Celebrate the differences! Choose to see the joy and strength we have as a result of our differences. Choose to see how our differences were something that attracted us to one another. Rather than fight them now I can choose to appreciate them as they strengthen and enhance our relationship. 3. Find a win/win solution! The way that we constructively manage our differences is to find a win/win solution. Unfortunately people often think that a constructive solution is for one party to just give in or reluctantly comply. This is never a solution and will most often lead to resentment and contempt. It may take time and energy, but a constructive solution is one that really takes into account each other’s position on an issue and then lovingly finds a way to discuss with each other how to give up some ground and move closer and closer to an agreed, acceptable solution with each other. There are many more things we can learn about how intimate relationships function and skills we can develop to enhance our relationships but it is vitally important to firstly learn how to achieve a loving, mutually beneficial win/win way to manage and not change conflict arising from individual differences!

By Mark Webb

M&Co. Registered Psychologist

The Brain

This week is 'Brain Awareness Week' so lets explore the brain together.

The human brain is like a galaxy condensed into a small space the size of our two hands put together. We have approximately 100 billion neurons in the brain that produce complex functions every second. A neuron is a specialised cell that looks like a tree with branches and these branches line up with other neuronal branches and almost touch. The space between them is called the synaptic gap and it’s the intergalactic world of nerve signals that travel from one neuron to another like a lightening strike. The mechanism that allows this travel across the synaptic gap are chemical messengers called neurotransmitters e.g. serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, GABA. These chemical acts as “boats” to transport the messages across the synaptic gap.

The human brain and body works well when there are just the right amount of “boats” to complete the job. Unfortunately, due to negative stress and/or genetics sometimes there are too many or too little “boats” and thus disruption and disease can be the result. Healthy eating, exercise and good sleep hygiene go along way to keeping the neurons functioning well. At times, medication can be a godsend to bring balance to the way that the neurons communicate with one another. As a society this is an area that we can grow in our understanding. In the same way that we would encourage someone to take medication for diabetes or hypertension, we can support those who need medication to moderate the way the that neurons function.

Another fascinating thing about the brain is how it stores memory. Our brain is like a computer and it has enough storage space to hold up to 100 terabytes of data. Thankfully our brain has clever filter systems so that we don't become overloaded with too much information in our conscious minds at any given time. Our brain works on so many levels to keep us safe and functioning well. For example, could it be that our “gut” feel about something is the brain making many computations from all the data it has stored over time and then intuits the best answer based on those computations? Possibly.

Researchers, Foa and Kozak theorise that memory has three main components i.e. sensory data, emotional data and meaning. The sensory data refers to what was seen, heard, smelt, physically felt and this information is stored in the actual neurons that correspond with that function e.g. if you were rescued from a house fire, the neurons in the olfactory (smell) part of the brain would store the trauma. A “photocopy” of the trauma is also stored in other neurons that we activated during the event e.g. the emotional part of the brain called the amygdala. So when you smell smoke in the future, the brain does a “google” search to ascertain how to respond to the presenting information being received by the olfactory nerves and the brain then jumps to the amygdala to activate the emotional data that is personally associated with the smell of smoke. So neurons that “fire together, wire together”, meaning they now have an association and one triggers the other.

Mostly, this is very good and we need these associations to function well. It’s what tells our fight or flight system (the sympathetic nervous system) to keep us from harm. But can we reverse this neuronal wiring if the association negatively impacts us, like as in PTSD or phobia? The good news is, Yes we can. It takes hard work and repetition but techniques such as exposure therapy and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) show empirical evidence that the intensity of the negative emotional association can be reduced enough for the individual to get back to normal functioning.

So lets be kind to the galaxy between our ears and give it all the best nourishment, exercise and protection it needs to keep our complex mind and bodies functioning well.

Written By Janice Dommisse
Clinical Psyhcologist Masters & Co.

What Causes Anxiety?

An anxiety condition isn't developed or caused by a single factor but a combination of things. A number of other factors play a role, including personality factors, difficult life experiences and physical health.

Family history of mental health conditions

Some people who experience anxiety conditions may have a genetic predisposition towards anxiety and these conditions can sometimes run in a family. However, having a parent or close relative experience anxiety or other mental health condition doesn't mean you'll automatically develop anxiety.

Personality factors

Research suggests that people with certain personality traits are more likely to have anxiety. For example, children who are perfectionists, easily flustered, timid, inhibited, lack self-esteem or want to control everything, sometimes develop anxiety during childhood, adolescence or as adults.

Ongoing stressful events

Anxiety conditions may develop because of one or more stressful life events. Common triggers include:

* work stress or job change
* change in living arrangements
* pregnancy and giving birth
* family and relationship problems
* major emotional shock following a stressful or traumatic event
* verbal, sexual, physical or emotional abuse or trauma
* death or loss of a loved one.

Physical health problems

Chronic physical illness can also contribute to anxiety conditions or impact on the treatment of either the anxiety or the physical illness itself. Common chronic conditions associated with anxiety conditions include:

* diabetes
* asthma
* hypertension and heart disease
* Some physical conditions can mimic anxiety conditions, like an overactive thyroid. It can be useful to see a doctor and be assessed to determine whether there may be a medical cause for your feelings of anxiety.

Other mental health conditions

While some people may experience an anxiety condition on its own, others may experience multiple anxiety conditions, or other mental health conditions. Depression and anxiety conditions often occur together. It's important to check for and get assistance for all these conditions at the same time.

Substance use

Some people who experience anxiety may use alcohol or other drugs to help them manage their condition. In some cases, this may lead to people developing a substance use problem along with their anxiety condition. Alcohol and substance use can aggravate anxiety conditions particularly as the effects of the substance wear off. It's important to check for and get assistance for any substance use conditions at the same time.

Remember...

Everyone’s different and it's often a combination of factors that can contribute to developing an anxiety condition. It's important to remember that you can't always identify the cause of anxiety or change difficult circumstances. The most important thing is to recognise the signs and symptoms and seek advice and support.

We have an event on the 10th March on Tackling Anxiety, Buy Tickets

Thankyou for the tips! [beyondblue][2]

Teens & Technology

We've had heaps of you contact us asking for guidelines on managing cell phone use for your tweens and teens in and out of the family home. As we step back into school routines, research indicates that structure and discipline restores balance and makes these transitions smoother for all! Check out these guidelines and cut and paste an agreement that can help you all.

1/ I will not send mean or threatening texts to others (including repetitious texts).
2/ I will not text or make phone calls after 8pm (unless to us) and will dock the phone at charge centre with rest of family.
3/ I will keep my phone charged at all times and will answer messages promptly from my parents (no switching o phone).
4/ I will not bring my phone to dinner table, or into toilet, or bedroom.
5/ I will not go over the data plan/monthly minutes or text message limits. If I do, I understand I may be responsible for extra charges or I may lose my phone privileges.
6/ I acknowledge that I am responsible for knowing the whereabouts of my phone and will keep in it good condition.
7/ I understand that my phone may be taken away if I am rude, don't keep up with chores or if my school grades suer.
8/ I will be not be antisocial with my phone. That is, I will have ‘phone down, eyes up’ at church, family times, in quiet settings (eg., the car) or in restaurants.
9/ I may be asked to moderate my use in conjunction with other screen use (e.g., tv, gaming, movies). (This may need to take the form of adhering to a routine e.g., no gaming during week, max 2 hrs/day phone use, gaming w/e only)
10/ I am only able to modify this phone use agreement in conjunction with parents/caregiver and I am able to make requests of their phone use in return.
11/ I will disclose my phone password and allow the occasional phone checks/audit of content upon request.

FULL NAME____________________ X______________________

ENJOY! Cut and paste as you need, get it signed and place on fridge... and restore the balance.
A great App for phone content management and scheduling is Curbi. Search on the app store and look at the options on cell phone management tools. DOWNLOAD FORM

Personal Power

On being mentally strong.

I've spoken about this in therapy heaps lately it seems. In a treatment setting there is much to be said about this topic but here are some great starters...

Research indicates fostering resilience means not being easily persuaded to believe the self criticisms and judgements we bring into our lives. Furthermore, fostering resilience means coming to understand that giving away your personal power robs you of the mental strength you need to remain resilient.

Mentally strong people don't give away their personal power. Here are "what I've learned with you" on how to retain personal power. In order to make positive changes, take a moment to recognise how you give your mental energy away.. This is not an exhaustive list so add to these observations in the comments if you are so inclined!

Establish healthy boundaries
It is easy to neglect establishing healthy boundaries (physical, spiritual and emotional). Perhaps you tend to 'give the benefit of the doubt to a fault' or maybe you find yourself blaming others for wasting your time or forcing you to do something. We give our personal power over to others when we give in to guilt trips or refuse to be assertive. Establish healthy boundaries that give you control over how you spend your time and with whom.

Make your self worth independent of other people's opinions
While most of us 'know' this principle, it is difficult to manage this vulnerability effectively. The difference between being confident and secure; or vulnerable to others opinions is a slippery slope. Evaluate the criticism received but be intentional about how you determine your self worth.

Practice forgiveness
Forgive, again and again. Don't avoid facing what needs to be forgiven or grieved. Yes, it's painful, right? Forgiveness is a huge topic and of course, doesn't mean what happened was acceptable - it is however a means for which you set yourself free from the interference unforgiveness brings.

Know your values
Find clarity with this one. We put ourselves at risk when others lead this aspect of our life. I notice that personal power is given away when one believes they are to subjugate their own preferences, opinions, and needs to endorse the needs, opinions and preferences of others, over their own. Others believe they are selfish unless they thoroughly vanquish their preferences. While the values of humility and servanthood are wonderful attributes, subjugation is an unhealthy schema!

Stop complaining
There is a massive difference between problem solving and complaining! Complaining use to make me feel better short term but in actual fact, I had little control over my attitude! Venting to those around you keeps you focussed on the wrong things. Complaining stops us from finding a solution and implies we have no authority over the situation. To become a better problem solver, put energy into finding meaningful solutions rather than having a whinge!

Managing thought life
Don't waste time on unproductive thoughts. This is typically a life and psychological skill with its own unique application to each individual, but for starters, postpone worry time until you can process thoughts properly - anything else is a waste!

No more victim mentality
Avoid language that implies you are a victim. While I have been victimised, as have you, and there are consequences for actions, we do have choices.

Avoid being 'opaque'
I've not always been willing to stand out from the crowd, and preferred to come alongside or keep my thoughts to myself for fear of being seen, heard and ultimately criticised. I call it being 'opaque' - where what is on the inside isn't quite seen on the outside. There are numerous reasons why I adopted this behaviour, however when I trusted I was mentally strong enough to stand out, I could dare to make a difference.

Manage Emotions
Take 100% responsibility for how you feel despite how others behave. If you don't know how to manage this space, I know a good therapist or two!

(Disclaimer: By law, it is the requirement of a registered health professional to provide a disclaimer for activities or information disseminated publicly to assist in the ethical, safe and appropriate use of what may be deemed as advice. The contents of this blog are written with the intention of being read as an informal personal statement of reflections and observations by the author, Rochelle Masters. The contents herewith are not written as definitive statements or prescribed instruction for your personal circumstance and no guarantee can be given that the reflections are free from error or omission. This blog is not meant to treat mental illness. The diagnosis and treatment of mental illness requires the specific attention of a physician or other properly qualified mental health professional engaged to treat your personal circumstance. If you are seeking diagnosis or treatment of a mental illness, you should contact and consult with a physician or mental health professional. The information in this blog is NOT a substitute for proper diagnosis, treatment or the provision of advice by an appropriate health professional in the appropriate treatment setting.

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