Navigating Priorities in the New Year

Putting Your Mental Health First in 2024

The new year often brings a surge of motivation and ambition. We set goals, make resolutions, and strive for improvement. But with so much on our plates, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and lose sight of what truly matters.

This year, let's prioritize our mental well-being as the foundation for a fulfilling and balanced life. Here are some prompts to help you navigate your priorities with intention and self-compassion:

Reflect and Reassess:

Start with gratitude: Take a moment to appreciate the positive aspects of your past year. What are you grateful for?What challenges did you overcome? Reflecting on your strengths and resilience can boost your confidence and set a positive tone for goal setting.

Acknowledge your needs: What are your core emotional needs? Do you crave connection, creativity, or a sense of accomplishment? Identifying your needs helps you prioritize activities and goals that truly nourish you.

Evaluate your current commitments: Are there commitments that drain your energy or no longer align with your values? Be honest with yourself and consider letting go of things that don't serve you.

Set Intentional Goals:

Focus on quality over quantity: Choose a few meaningful goals that resonate with your values and aspirations. Prioritize goals that promote personal growth, fulfillment,and mental well-being.

Break down large goals: Feeling overwhelmed by a big goal? Divide it into smaller, manageable steps. This makes it easier to track progress and stay motivated.

Schedule self-care activities: Treat self-care as non-negotiable. Block out time in your calendar for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, like spending time in nature, practicing mindfulness, or connecting with loved ones.

Embrace Flexibility and Self-Compassion:

Life happens: Unexpected events and setbacks are inevitable. Be kind to yourself when things don't go according to plan.

Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. This reinforces positive behaviors and keeps you motivated.

Practice self-compassion: Be understanding and forgiving of yourself. We all make mistakes and have moments of weakness. Treat yourself with the same kindness and support you would offer a friend.

Remember, prioritizing your mental health is not selfish, it's essential. By starting with self-awareness, setting intentional goals, and embracing flexibility, you can navigate the new year with greater clarity, purpose, and inner peace.

Coping with Loss around the Holidays, by Kristin Tovey

Hi, I'm Kristin and I'm a Senior Social Worker here at Masters. Here's some tips and activities that could help this holiday season! The Christmas period can be a very busy and costly time for many people. From November onwards we are often surrounded by reminders of Christmas everywhere we go in many different contexts - no escape.

If you are a person who loves Christmas and the build up to this time, it is exciting and energising. If you are not a person who loves this time, it can have the opposite effect.

Christmas means different things to different people and is influenced by culture, beliefs, and past experiences. It is also a time that can increase distress in people, enhance financial strain and highlight losses.

When you have lost a significant person in your life, Christmas can be a reminder of this and amplify the pain, whether it is the first Christmas without the person or the 10th Christmas.

Here are some reminders that may help you through this time and can be applied for anniversaries and any other significant event:

Plan:

Occasions such as birthdays and Christmas often come with established traditions and rituals. Some people prefer to stick with traditions they have always had, but don’t be afraid to alter your traditions if you need to.
There may be times you want to be on your own rather than with others. If you feel like some company, be clear on who you can phone or visit on the day. Your ‘normal’ has inevitably changed, and you may prefer to create new traditions accordingly. If you decide to cancel your usual activities altogether, that’s OK too. It is encouraged that you plan something else to do, as too much free time may leave you feeling isolated and lonely.

Share your plan with family and friends:

Once you have planned how you would like the day/occasion to go, make sure you let your friends and family know this is what you intend to do. Be honest with them and let them know that it is a difficult time for you.
They may feel unsure how to act around you, so let them know that it is OK for them to talk to you about your loved one even if you become upset. Consulting with your family members about their ideas for Christmas may also be helpful in planning.

If you are planning to attend an event or gathering, it might be useful to let the organiser know that whilst you intend to go, this may change on the day, or you may need to leave early depending on how you are feeling. This will help give you a sense of control over the day and help in feeling comfortable leaving if it all gets too much.

Take good care of yourself:

It is important to take good care of yourself physically and emotionally in the lead up to, and during significant occasions.

This includes eating well and listening to your body. Not suppressing your emotions which can also include enjoying yourself for periods of the day - remember happiness and sadness can co-exist, and being happy is not disrespectful to the memory of your loved one.

Keep a journal in the lead up to, and after the significant occasion – make note of things that were particularly difficult so that you can better navigate them next time.

Keep in touch:

Once you have made your plans, let family or friends who may be affected by your plans know. This allows you to be honest about where you’re at and what you need, and why you have made the choices you have. Staying in touch will help to avoid confusion which can just cause more.

Remember in your own way:

Choose to find a way to mark your change or loss that suits you. This may be helpful because it acknowledges how things are for you while being a positive action to take.

Some examples include:

• light a candle
• visit a special place
• look through photo albums, view video clips, or look at books or boxes of memories
• plant a tree
• have a small ceremony or prayer
• play special music
• have a holiday toast or share a special meal
• release balloons
• make time to share stories and memories with those close to you.

About the Author

Kristin is key member of our Clinical Services Team. She s a great asset to our team and is qualified and registered with AASW as a Mental Health Social Worker. She has an extensive history as a Senior team leader working in palliative care with people drawing to the end of their life. She has taken special focus in her research in grief and bereavement, alongside many aspects of life that are impacted at these times. She works for the Lion Heart Camp for Kids Charity (for kids aged 5-12) attending to the needs of kids who have experienced significant loss in their life.

She is passionate about ensuring people are not alone with the intensity of needs, she believes in utilising a narrative approach alongside equipping her clients with coping strategies for when life becomes difficult.

She works simultaneously with adults, primary carers and teens to support their learning in dealing with complex needs and complex histories.

What is coercive control?

Coercive control is a form of abusive behaviour used to create fear and, as a result, have power over a partner. The abuser will use strategies as a way of oppressing and controlling their partner. This includes behaviours that limit their partner’s freedom or impact their sense of confidence and self-worth, such as monitoring or harassing, isolating them from others, humiliating, or threatening them. Coercive control creates a sense of fear that pervades all elements of a victim’s life, making it difficult for them to feel that they have the ability to leave the relationship and be safe.

How do you know if this is happening?

• Isolation from support system- an abuser will cut their partner off, or limit their contact with, from friends and family. They might also restrict their partner’s access to support services such as medical services. If there are children involved the abuser If might weaponise them by making comments that are critical of or belittle the victim in front of the children.
• Monitoring activity throughout the day- including where their partner goes, how long they take, and the communication that they have (reading text messages, tracking phones, etc).
• Denying freedom and autonomy- an abusive partner might restrict freedom and independence, such as not allowing or making it difficult for their partner to attend work or school, removing access to transportation, and removing means to contact others (e.g. taking the phone or charging cables, changing passwords for wi-fi).
• Criticism- including put-downs and criticism of the partner, name calling, and bullying. This is designed to undermine the victim’s sense of self-worth and self-confidence, which makes it harder to end the relationship.
• Financial control- an abuser might limit their partner’s access to money and strictly control finances, including implementing a strict budget that barely covers essentials, limiting access to bank accounts, monitoring spending, and hiding financial resources.
• Threatening children or pets as an extreme form of intimidation- the abuser might make threats against others such loved ones, children and pets.

What to do if you’re being abused

Sometimes it can take a while to recognise that a relationship is abusive. Many people in abusive relationships don’t want the relationship to end- they just want the abuse to stop. However, this rarely happens. Sometimes the abuser will make promises to change, however without taking action change is unlikely to occur or be lasting.

Identify and connect with supports

Sometimes people who have been abused feel that they don’t have anywhere to turn- they might be isolated from their friends or family or feel ashamed of being abused. However, the only person to blame is the abuser, the person who chooses to be abusive. Choosing to speak up about the abuse and to seek support is extremely challenging, difficult, and brave.

If a person decides to break their silence, it is important to consider who they can talk to. Is there a friend, family member or workmate?

There are multiple support services for people seeking to stay safe in, or leave, abusive relationships. Professional supports can help with developing safety plans, accessing services such as accommodation and housing, financial support, and legal support.

Useful Resources

Patricia Giles Centre for Non-violence https://www.patgilescentre.org.au/

Relationships Australia (including downloadable guide for women leaving or separating) https://www.relationshipswa.org.au/Services/Family-Domestic-Violence

WA Government Family and Domestic Violence Services and Resources https://www.wa.gov.au/organisation/department-of-communities/family-and-domestic-violence-services-and-resources

Mum, You Don’t Have to go at this Alone.

For many mothers asking for help stirs an uncomfortable feeling. However, if a friend was in need, we wouldn’t hesitate to lend a hand.

Before becoming a mother, I would happily help others out. I did it in my personal life and work life. Whereas asking for help wasn’t something I did. I have always been independent and felt like I should do things on my own. I can remember teachers saying on parent-teacher night I should ask for more help. At the time this confused me. Doing things on my own was praised by adults. I remember being called “Miss Independent” a lot so it kind of became a badge of honor.

After becoming a mother it’s still hard to ask for help. I’m sure many mothers have a similar experience when it comes to drawing on the village around us. Even simple favors or taking a friend up on an offer of help can make many mothers feel anxious. We then can be filled with fear that we’re asking too much. For me, I fear people would get annoyed or feel inconvenienced by my request for help. My worst-case scenario is that asking for help will create distance between me and the other person. I know these thoughts may not make sense to everyone and it may not seem like a huge problem. In fact, I can see there are benefits to this way of being.

When there’s a lot to do, people trust you to get on with it and execute tasks; you become a ‘go-to’ person. Colleagues become surprised and impressed at what you produce but to you this is normal. There are probably many times where you wore yourself thin, but the acknowledgement you get for productivity probably reinforced going at it alone. When you’re afraid to ask for help you learn how to get on with things quickly.

However, since becoming a mother I’ve learnt one important thing about this idea of going at it alone; It doesn’t work in motherhood. We cannot possibly take on this 24/7 role solo. Plus, our time is no longer our own, so we can’t always devote ourselves to things like we used to.

In addition to individual experiences from our upbringing, there can be bigger contextual factors that influence our adoption of the ‘going at it alone’ ideal.

Societal notions influence our idea of motherhood long before we have children. The ‘good mother myth’ refers to a social and cultural ideal that says mothers should be endlessly kind, patient, caring, and puts others before herself. This notion feeds the fear about asking for help nicely. For example, mothers would avoid asking for help and feel pressure to go at it alone in order to be seen as a ‘good mother’. The rule can become ‘If I ask for little then others don’t have a reason to worry about me” or

“If I look like I’m coping, then I'll appear 'put together' and like I’m a good mum’.

Aspiring to the ‘good mother’ ideology has been associated with negative health outcomes including higher levels of stress (Wall, 2010), anxiety and lower parental self-efficacy (Henderson et al., 2016), depressive symptoms and lower life satisfaction (Rizzo et al., 2013), and parental burnout (Meeussen & Van-Laar, 2018).

So there are individual and societal factors that influence how we see help seeking behaviours. However, that doesn’t mean we’re helpless in flipping the script on this story.

I want to invite you to consider the opposite notion of ‘going at it together’.

Going at it together means we lessen the load but more importantly we can seek solace in motherhood. Although asking for help may feel vulnerable, this could be a short-term discomfort for a long-term gain. A strong trusted connection grows from the interaction of giving and asking for help. Still today the idea of asking for help and being vulnerable scares me but I must let go of the story that “I’ll be inconveniencing them”.

As a psychologist I know this thinking pattern formed for a combination of reasons and that it served to protect me from things I feared, however now I can see it probably cost me things. It meant that I was viewing normal parts of a relationship, like asking for help, as threatening which long term can prevent me from getting what I need and blocking others from getting close to me.

Through my work with mothers, I’m noticing how common this thinking pattern can be. It manifests itself in different ways. For example, mothers feel pressure to be in control the whole time, only asking for help if desperate. Many mothers wear a social mask to show that everything is ok, and try to portray that they love all parts of mothering even though it is not the truth.

This mismatch between reality and expectations of yourself in motherhood causes distress and feelings of guilt and shame.

Let me remind you that every mum everywhere finds mothering hard, and we all have moments where we don’t want to do it, and we lose our sh*t. However, the experience of mothering gets better when you embrace the notion that you don’t have to go at it alone because normalising how hard it is can lessen the intensity of those hard moments.

Recently I was in a bind and needed help with a school pick up. I was clicking into the ‘go at it alone mode’ and started coming up with a MacGyver-like solution to my problem. Then I reached out to a friend who was more than happy to help. What a relief.

After this experience, I remember thinking and feeling a few things. Firstly, a deep appreciation for having a wonderful friend. Secondly, people are not always inconvenienced when you ask them for help, so that theory is somewhat busted. I say ‘somewhat’ for now because busting our mental theories about life takes practice and much repetition. Lastly, I learned you don’t have to go at it alone, carrying the load together makes the load much lighter!

Thanks to some honest mothers around me and the mothers I have the honor of working with, I am reminded often that we all need help, and we strengthen our connection when we allow others into our world.

If you’re having trouble asking for help, I encourage you to push through and ask. Perhaps start with a small request and see what happens.

I also encourage you to get curious about where your beliefs about asking for help come from.

Asking for help can build connections between you and others, you’ll find people want to help because they love you and they love your family. Let people in and trust that you’re not inconveniencing them. Let them love on you.

Dianne Casotti

Registered Psychologist

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** If after reading this article you feel you may benefit from professional help, please see your General Practitioner and see a mental health professional.

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Key points

• Asking for help can be difficult for many mothers because we may think we need to look ‘put together’.
• Asking for help can conjure up fears of inconveniencing people. Start with a small request for help and see what happens.
• If asking for help is hard get curious about where this belief came from.
• We often have a fear that asking for help inconveniences others yet would drop everything to help a friend.

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References

Henderson, A. C., Harmon, S. M., & Newman, H. (2016). The price mothers pay, even when they are not buying it: Mental health consequences of idealised motherhood. Sex Roles, 74(1), 512–526. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-015-0534-5. Meeussen, L., & Van-Laar, C. (2018). Feeling pressure to be a perfect mother relates to parental burnout and career ambitions. Frontiers in Psychology, 9(2113), https://doi.org/10.3389/ fpsyg.2018.02113. Rizzo, K. M., Schiffrin, H. H., & Liss, M. (2013). Insight into the parenthood paradox: Mental health outcomes of intensive motherhood. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 22(1), 614–620. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-012-9615-z. Wall, G. (2010). Mothers’ experiences with intensive parenting and brain development discourse. Women’s Studies International Forum, 33(3), 253–263. https://doi.org/10.1016/j. wsif.2010.02.019

Steps to impove wellbeing with Kristin

Hi, I am Kristin and a clinician at Masters Psychology.

We all have busy lives and often have multiple roles we play each with its own needs and expectations of us. It can become easy to forget ourselves, go through the motions and become overwhelmed. Here are a few ideas that I find helpful and are recommended for general wellbeing in different areas of our lives, firstly, lets briefly discuss wellbeing and resilience.

What is wellbeing? Wellbeing is a state of happiness, life satisfaction and the presence of positive feelings and the absence of negative emotions. It is suggested there are five distinct areas of wellbeing in life: Positive emotions; Engagement (i.e., being completely focused and losing track of time – flow experiences – in what we love); Positive relationships (having close interpersonal relationships in our life); Meaning (having a sense of purpose in our life) and Accomplishment (having ambitions, goals and experiencing mastery in these). These form the Acronym PERMA and apply to both our internal and external environments. These areas of PERMA wellbeing can be utilised across different domains of life – Physical, Professional, Psychological and Emotional

What is resilience? Resilience is the term used to describe the process and outcome of being able to successfully adapt to difficult or challenging life experiences (stress) through mental, emotional, and behavioural flexibility. Resilience and wellbeing are connected and improving our resilience is a way to improve our wellbeing and vice versa. By purposely and strategically engaging in a range of activities/strategies to enhance resilience across different domains of life, our wellbeing will also improve over time and improvement in one domain will influence other domains.

There are many ideas for building resilience and wellbeing, here are just few:

Steps to improving Wellbeing in 4 domains of life.

Physical

• Slow paced breathing. Breathing slowly and deeply triggers our parasympathetic nervous system and reduces tension, anger, and anxiety.

• Physical exercise.

• Good Nutrition – the connection to good gut health and wellbeing is strong.

• Change physical stance.Our body is connected to our emotions. Changing our physiology can change how we feel i.e., Use your power pose and smile.

Professional

• Daily TO DO Lists; prioritize tasks and delegate appropriately – to enhance a sense of control and certainty.

• Take key breaks.

• Have a switch off ritual – work life balance is important.

• Increase connection with colleagues to enhance connection and relatedness.

• Enhance your workstation. Plants, pictures (as appropriate) to enhance a sense of belonging and importance.

Psychological

• Mindfulness practice. Mindfulness has many researched benefits and there are many ways to be mindful. Whether you are training your brain, using micro-mindfulness techniques, or more focused meditation.

• Daily Gratitude. Gratitude is an elevating emotion. It highlights the good, it can change our perspective as well as connect us with others when we share gratitude.

• Savouring a moment (using all our senses). Savouring is about taking time to engage all of our senses and being present, helping us to increase the duration and intensity of the good things in life.

• Be aware of the impact our thoughts have on our mood and behaviour and challenging unhelpful perspectives and responding differently.

Emotional

• Journalling. Expressing ourselves in the written form helps us make sense of our emotions and thoughts and find meaning and outcomes.

• To Do Lists.

• Random acts of kindness.

• Increasing connection to others.

Time to check in. by Rochelle Masters

Well, here we are, drawing to the end of 2023. In this second half of the year, I have observed a consistent theme resounding from the hearts and minds of many. The best way I can put language & insight around this is to simply say that it seems, “We are pressed and not emotionally ready for 2023 to wrap up and then deal with Xmas!”.

For numerous reasons, it seems that this year has left many requiring extra breathing room or margin, not previously factored into. Now the calendar is forging ahead on its own and the anticipated achievements have not been enough. The first half of the year took more than it gave. The relational connections did not satisfy. The dream, hope or investment for 2023, has already diminished. The plan for success, may be prematurely touched by failure.

There is much more to say, yet in many ways perhaps, just learning that it is the lived and collective experience of many may assist in bringing about what is needed for balance. For those of you still checking in with yourselves or, wondering when you are going to be 'ready' to populate your calendars, let me outline a few tips for an 'emotional health check.'

This is not an exhaustive list, but important to ensure that you and those you love are adapting to and handling the stress or changes already CS faced this year. What is emotional health check, you ask?

Start with the following, and if you get stuck, you may like to seek assistance from your social or professional support network.

REDUCE STRESS

Learning and practicing healthy ways to cope with stress can boost your resilience. To help manage your stress:

• Exercise regularly
• Build, re-build or gather your social support network
• Stick with good nutrition and regular meal times
• Think positive (This takes lot of practice)
• Try relaxation methods
• Seek help

GET QUALITY SLEEP

To get better quality sleep:

• Review what sleep means for you.
• Go to bed and get up each day at the same time (put yourself on early bedtimes!)
• Sleep in a dark, quiet place
• Limit the use of electronics
• Avoid alcohol, nicotine, & stimulants late in the day
• Consult a health care professional if you have ongoing sleep problems

BE MINDFUL

To be more mindful:

• Learn how to control your breathing and do mindful/calming breath work. Repeat often.
• Enjoy a stroll and notice the sights around you
• Practice a range of spiritual disciplines and find the ones that connect with you

ATTEND TO LOSS EXPERIENCES

To help cope with loss:

• Take care of yourself
• Talk to a caring friend
• Try not to make any major changes right away
• Join a support group
• Consider professional support
• Talk to your doctor if you're having trouble with everyday activities
• Be patient. Mourning takes time

STRENGTHEN SOCIAL CONNECTIONS

To build healthy support systems:

• Build strong relationships
• Get active and share good habits with family and friends
• If you're a family caregiver, ask for help from others
• Join a group focused on a favorite hobby, such as reading, hiking, or painting
• Take a class to learn something new.
• Volunteer for things you care about in your community, school, library, or place of worship
• Travel to different places and meet new people

BRIGHTEN YOUR OUTLOOK

To develop a more positive mindset:

• Remember your good deeds
• Forgive yourself
• Explore your beliefs about the meaning and purpose of life, with others
• Develop healthy physical habits, spiritual practices, or your intelligence!

Cognitive Assessments with Children

As parents and caregivers, we all want the best for our children. We want them to succeed in life and reach their full potential. However, some children may struggle with learning and behaviour issues that can impact their academic and social development. That's where cognitive assessments come in. In Australia, cognitive assessments are widely used to evaluate children's cognitive abilities, identify potential learning or developmental issues, and develop appropriate intervention strategies. Here's why cognitive assessments are so important for your child's success.

Firstly, these assessments can help to identify any learning or developmental issues that may be impacting your child's academic performance. According to research conducted by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, approximately one in six Australian children have a learning difficulty or disability. Cognitive assessments can help identify any cognitive or academic weaknesses or difficulties your child may be experiencing and provide insight into the best ways to support their learning and development.

Secondly, cognitive assessments can help identify any underlying conditions or disorders that may be impacting your child's cognitive abilities. Conditions such as Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), and Specific Learning Disorders (such as Dyslexia) can significantly impact a child's cognitive abilities and academic performance. Cognitive assessments can help identify any of these conditions or disorders so that your child can receive the appropriate interventions and support.

Lastly, cognitive assessments can help develop individualized intervention strategies tailored to your child's needs. The results of the assessment can provide valuable insights into your child's strengths and weaknesses, allowing educators and healthcare professionals to create personalized intervention plans that target their specific areas of need. This can include specialized learning techniques, therapies, and other interventions designed to improve your child's cognitive abilities and help them reach their full potential.

At Masters Psychology, we administer several types of standardised assessments to both children and adults. These include:

• Weschler Intelligence Scale for Children, 5th Edition (WISC-V): a comprehensive test that measures a child’s cognitive abilities in five main domains, including verbal comprehension, visual spatial skills, fluid reasoning, working memory, and processing speed. This assessment is typically administered to children between the ages of 6 and 16 years.
• Weschler Adult Intelligence Scale, 4th Edition (WAIS-IV): measures cognitive functioning in adults (16 to 90 years old) in four main domains: verbal comprehension, perceptual reasoning, working memory, and processing speed. Leiter-3: a cognitive assessment tool used to measure a person's intelligence and cognitive abilities. It is commonly used with children and adolescents who have developmental or learning disabilities, as well as those who may be nonverbal or have limited language skills.
• The Wechsler Individual Achievement Test, 2nd Edition (WIAT-II): a standardized test used to measure academic achievement in individuals. The test is typically administered to children and adolescents between the ages of 4 and 50 years old, and is used to identify strengths and weaknesses in academic performance, including reading, writing, maths, and oral language.

The clinical process for conducting cognitive assessments for children typically involves an initial interview with the child's parents or caregivers to gather information about the child's developmental history and any concerns they may have. Your treating clinician may recommend some accompanying tests or measures to be used alongside the cognitive assessment. The assessment is then conducted in a one-on-one setting, usually over the course of several sessions. Once the report is written, your treating clinician will then conduct a feedback session where they will explain the results, and answer any questions that may arise.

In conclusion, cognitive assessments are an essential tool in evaluating cognitive abilities and identifying any learning or developmental issues in your children. They provide valuable insights into your child's strengths and weaknesses and help develop individualized intervention strategies tailored to their needs. As parents and caregivers, we want the best for our children, and cognitive assessments can help ensure that they receive the support and interventions they need to reach their full potential.

For more information please request form below.

Psychology vs Other school services

I am a registered provisional psychologist currently working at Masters Psychology and at a local school. I thought I’d bring clarity about the typical role of a school psychologist and what we do alongside other services commonly available at public and private schools.

In Australia, research has shown that having an onsite school psychologist can have a positive impact on the mental health and well-being of students, staff, and families. By providing early intervention and support, school psychologists can help prevent mental health problems from escalating and improve outcomes for students.

An onsite school psychologist can provide a range of services to support the emotional wellbeing, social functioning, and academic achievement of students. They can work with parents, teachers, learning support, pastoral care, and students to identify and address learning, behavioural, and socio-emotional issues that may be impacting the student’s educational outcomes.

School psychologists can conduct holistic assessments to understand how multiple factors might be contributing to the student’s wellbeing and academic performance. This might involve assessing the student's cognitive abilities, academic skills, and socio-emotional functioning, as well as gathering information from parents, teachers, and other professionals involved in the student’s care. By taking a comprehensive approach, school psychologists can develop a deep understanding of the student’s needs and develop effective intervention.

Based on the assessment results, the school psychologist can then plan treatment and provide care according to best practice and evidence-based methods. This might involve providing individual or group interventions to bolster emotional literacy and resiliency in students. School psychologists can also provide guidance on accessing external service providers for further assessment and treatment if needed.

Overall, an onsite school psychologist can be an invaluable resource for schools. By working collaboratively with associated professionals within the school, school psychologists can help to create a positive and supportive environment that promotes well-being and foster a sense of belonging and inclusivity.

At the school I’m currently working in, we offer a range of Masterclasses for parents and carers to further their resources on mental health topics such as Parenting Big Emotions, Compassion Fatigue for Teachers, ADHD, Anxiety and Depression. These Masterclasses provide an opportunity for parents and carers to learn more about mental health and how to support their child's well-being.

In addition to an onsite school psychologist, many schools offer a range of student services to support the emotional and social wellbeing of students. Pastoral care, chaplaincy, and counselling services are some of the common wellbeing initiatives available in many schools.

Pastoral care

Pastoral care staff typically work to support students’ emotional and spiritual wellbeing. They may provide guidance on issues related to spirituality, and beliefs, and can help students navigate any challenges they may be facing in this area. In addition to providing emotional support, pastoral care staff may also work to build positive relationships with students and foster a sense of community within the school. They may connect with students regarding issues related to a range of concerns such as friendship, grief and loss, and can use strategies such as role modeling, conversation, mentoring, and structured programs to support students’ wellbeing. Overall, pastoral care staff can play a key role in creating a safe and positive school environment that promotes wellbeing, belonging, and inclusivity.

Chaplaincy:

Chaplains also provide a range of services to support students’ emotional and spiritual wellbeing. They may offer spiritual guidance and support, and can provide a listening ear and a source of comfort for students who are struggling with personal or emotional issues. Chaplains may also work with pastoral care staff and other professionals to develop programs and initiatives that promote wellbeing and a sense of community within the school.

Counselling:

Counselling services are typically provided by trained professionals who can offer individual or group therapy to support students’ emotional and social wellbeing. Counselors may use a variety of therapeutic techniques and interventions to help students address issues such as anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, and relationship difficulties. They may also work collaboratively with other professionals, including school psychologists and pastoral care staff, to develop comprehensive treatment plans that address the needs of the whole student. Counseling services can be an invaluable resource for students who are struggling with emotional or social issues that may be impacting their academic performance and overall wellbeing.

By offering a range of services and strategies to support students’ wellbeing, schools can help to create a safe and positive learning environment that promotes a sense of community to foster students’ academic and personal wellbeing.

In summary,

Pastoral/Chaplain/other student service includes:

• Support the emotional and social wellbeing of students
• May provide guidance on issues related to religious practices, spirituality and beliefs
• Connect with students regarding issues ranging from friendship to grief and loss
• Use strategies such as role modelling, conversation, mentoring and structured programs
• Help create a safe and positive school environment that promotes well-being, belonging, and inclusivity

A School Psychologist role includes :

• Support emotional wellbeing, social functioning, and academic achievement of students
• Work with parents, teachers, learning support, pastoral care, and students to identify and address learning, behavioural, and socio-emotional issues that may be impacting the student’s educational outcomes
• Conduct holistic assessments to understand how multiple factors might be contributing to the student’s wellbeing and academic performance
• Plan treatment and provide care according to best practice and evidence-based methods
• Provide guidance on accessing external service providers for further assessment and treatment
• Provide individual and group therapy to bolster emotional literacy and resiliency in students

I hope you find this helpful to see how we all work together to see healthy families emerge.

After the Storm

Navigating Life After Stress

We know trouble finds every heart and home, but getting caught in the whirlwind of prolonged pressure and high stress - and the aftermath, is rough. How does one not lose heart, or lose their nerve?

Perhaps even more confronting is what happens when the clouds part, and the storm finally recedes. In those moments, it becomes absolutely vital to reflect on and recover from all that has been weighing heavy during the storm.

There are many layers to recovery but here are some essentials that help me navigate life after a stressful and difficult season.

Rest and Rejuvenation:

I’m usually fine during a crisis, but afterwards, exhaustion hit’s hard! As the storm dissipates, allow as much rest and rejuvenation as you can claim. Rest must include trust. While it may seem counter intuitive, slowing things down is key. Catch your breath, engage in activities that bring you peace and joy. Re-imagine what these elements are if you have lost your sense of self in the storm. Prioritise self-care and let your body and mind recharge and recalibrate.

Cultivate Mindfulness:

In the aftermath of stress, learn how to apply mindfulness to stay present. When we are processing everything the storm whipped up, we can often get lost in a dissociative haze... Engage instead in activities that promote mindfulness, such as meditation and breath work, and ensure you factor this skill in to recovery time. By allowing yourself to remain grounded, you can more readily let go of the past and embrace a renewed sense of clarity, non judgement, calm and hope for the future.

Reflect and Learn:

Reflection is key. Lessons learned from storms bring opportunity to grow in both form and substance. We don’t really learn reflective practices so best to cultivate a few when you’re not in crisis! From a place of love, sound judgement and personal discipline process what you’ve been through with accountability and wisdom found in trusted advisors or friends.

Guard with great care your values and convictions. Take opportunities to reflect on the lessons learned during the storm. What insights have you gained about yourself, your priorities, and your resilience? Use this knowledge to cultivate personal growth and make conscious choices that align with your values moving forward. Each experience, even the most challenging ones, hold valuable wisdom for the road ahead. In the aftermath of a storm, the urge to complain, gossip, slander, or be malicious is an urge that may seem to provide fleeting relief. Yet, it only serves to prolong and complicate the pain and indicates you are not as committed to your own transformation as you need to be to experience growth.

Reconnect with Loved Ones

During periods of high stress, relationships can often take a backseat. As soon as you are able, reconnect and rekindle the relationships that matter most. Reach out to loved ones, friends, and family who bring positivity and support into your life. Nurture these relationships and find solace in the warmth of human connection.

Foster Self-Compassion:

Cut yourself some slack. The same kindness and benevolence you would show to others, extend to yourself. Don’t allow the projections or even the adulation of others throw you off your centre. You step into your future entirely by grace. Storms often lead us to a place of surrender. If you can be trusted with loss well, you’ll be trusted with gain, if you can navigate disappointment well, you will be trusted with fulfilment. If you can navigate criticism and betrayal - you’ll know how to receive esteem and have loyal friends. As you navigate life after stress, be kind and gentle with yourself. Recognize that you did the best you could, with the best you knew given the circumstances, and that healing takes time. Embrace self-compassion by practicing self-forgiveness, letting go of self-judgment, and embracing your own inherent worth. Do not throw away your confidence. Storms may leave scars, but they also reveal our strength and resilience. Take this time to prioritize your well-being, allowing yourself to heal and recharge. Embrace the lessons learned, nurture your relationships, and walk forward with self-compassion. You have weathered the storm, and now it's time to embark on a brighter, more fulfilling season.

#AfterTheStorm #SelfCareMatters #ReflectionAndGrowth #NurtureRelationships #SelfCompassionJourney

Matrescence - the transition through motherhood

There is a time in our life when we experience changes to our bodies, hormones, relationships, and our identity. There is also a quiet expectation of us to have it all together and appear grown up. Sounds like adolescence, right? Not entirely.

We also go through these same changes when we become mothers.

Research has a wealth of knowledge on the transition to teen years, yet we do not know of a word to describe the transition to motherhood. We do have a word! Its name? Matrescence.

I am a psychologist and have been working with perinatal mothers over the last couple of years. During this time, I have noticed a pattern that occurs. During our first meeting, a new mum typically feels nervous yet confused about sharing with me the experience of motherhood. This experience would sound like this, “I thought I’d love being a mother, I’ve always wanted to be one, but I find I’m having moments where I don’t enjoy it”. After making what sounds like a confession, they then go on to explain the mix of emotions that occasionally pops up since having their baby. Some are surprised by the bouts of anger or rage that spontaneously occur because it’s not who they are. These distressed mums say they do not feel like themselves sometimes. They feel guilty about not enjoying motherhood all the time and disclose that having a baby is not as fulfilling as they thought it would be. Also, they didn't feel “good enough” as mothers.  

So, following protocol, I would review the criteria and screen for anxiety and or depression. However, after explaining they did not meet the criteria for any mood disorder these mums seemed disappointed. I too share their confusion and dissatisfaction. Curious about their experiences I wondered if there was some understanding out there that could shed light on this common experience. I commenced research to gain some further insight, and I continued therapy to bring clarity.

During these sessions, I noticed these women had expectations about motherhood, specifically that it would make them happy, and they would always know what to do. They raised concerns about how difficult it was to always put the babies’ needs first. Some were questioning if they were made to be mothers. These thoughts sounded like unrealistic expectations.  

Having unrealistic expectations is common in early motherhood, particularly when it is your first baby. We can attribute this partly to old societal notions about women achieving utter fulfillment from being a mother. This myth of motherhood also implies that she will then be her most happy and strong version of self. 

Being a mother of young children myself, I was curious about the processes a woman go through to adapt to motherhood. Eventually I came across the work of Dr Aleksandra Saks and her famous TED video “A New Way to Think About the Transition to Motherhood”. Here Dr Saks explains her discovery of the word Matrescence from the work of an anthropologist Dana Raffael. As Dr Saks explains, there’s no coincidence that adolescence and matrescence sound similar. Both transitions involve physical and psychological changes, and both result in a view of how we fit in the world. Like adolescence, matrescence is not a diagnosable condition, however, because matrescence is not a well-known concept in literature sometimes it gets confused with diagnosable conditions like Post Natal Depression. Of course, if you have concerns about your mental health as a new mother always consult with a mental health professional as knowledge is power.  

 

There’s an excellent and relatable concept Dr Saks explains called the ‘push and pull’. When I share this notion with mums, I see their shoulders drop, they lean forward in their chair and say something like “Yes! That’s exactly what this is like!”.  

So, the push and pull goes something like this: Our babies are highly dependent on us for a long time, so we develop a bond via wonderful chemicals like oxytocin. It is the pull towards our baby. Yet at the same time a mother is pushing away towards the other parts of her identity like her career, friends, hobbies, wanting to be intellectually stimulated, to feel a sense of productivity again, even towards physical needs like sleeping, eating, sexuality. This push-pull tension is the tug-of-war that can be underlying the emotions they are experiencing in the early days of parenting.  

The push-pull notion struck me as the ‘gold’ I was searching for. If every mother knew that in that moment when they caught themselves thinking, “Why is this so hard for me?”, “Why can’t I get my baby to sleep”, and “I’m not good at this”, that every parent would find this moment hard.  It is normal. I think this is a game changer for mother’s mental health everywhere. As a psychologist, I believe in the value of talking through tricky experiences. So, if every mother understood that ambivalence in this situation is normal, and we only need to be ‘good enough’ parents and not perfect, then I think we can radically help women navigate the rough patches of their matrescence.  

Matrescence is intense. In the toughest moment, we can feel like our world is crumbling, and yet, it is likely our ideas of our fixed identity being challenged.

So, let us stand on the edge of that vulnerability and celebrate new identity emerging. Let us have a nuanced way we see the transition to motherhood as one that is bumpy yet beautiful. We are discovering new parts of us. I strongly encourage mothers to talk to other mothers about their matrescence. It will only take one person to crack the conversation and normalise this for better mental health outcomes for our mothers.