What is coercive control?

Nov 23

Coercive control is a form of abusive behaviour used to create fear and, as a result, have power over a partner. The abuser will use strategies as a way of oppressing and controlling their partner. This includes behaviours that limit their partner’s freedom or impact their sense of confidence and self-worth, such as monitoring or harassing, isolating them from others, humiliating, or threatening them. Coercive control creates a sense of fear that pervades all elements of a victim’s life, making it difficult for them to feel that they have the ability to leave the relationship and be safe.

How do you know if this is happening?

Isolation from support system- an abuser will cut their partner off, or limit their contact with, from friends and family. They might also restrict their partner’s access to support services such as medical services. If there are children involved the abuser If might weaponise them by making comments that are critical of or belittle the victim in front of the children.
Monitoring activity throughout the day- including where their partner goes, how long they take, and the communication that they have (reading text messages, tracking phones, etc).
Denying freedom and autonomy- an abusive partner might restrict freedom and independence, such as not allowing or making it difficult for their partner to attend work or school, removing access to transportation, and removing means to contact others (e.g. taking the phone or charging cables, changing passwords for wi-fi).
Criticism- including put-downs and criticism of the partner, name calling, and bullying. This is designed to undermine the victim’s sense of self-worth and self-confidence, which makes it harder to end the relationship.
Financial control- an abuser might limit their partner’s access to money and strictly control finances, including implementing a strict budget that barely covers essentials, limiting access to bank accounts, monitoring spending, and hiding financial resources.
Threatening children or pets as an extreme form of intimidation- the abuser might make threats against others such loved ones, children and pets.

What to do if you’re being abused

Sometimes it can take a while to recognise that a relationship is abusive. Many people in abusive relationships don’t want the relationship to end- they just want the abuse to stop. However, this rarely happens. Sometimes the abuser will make promises to change, however without taking action change is unlikely to occur or be lasting.

Identify and connect with supports

Sometimes people who have been abused feel that they don’t have anywhere to turn- they might be isolated from their friends or family or feel ashamed of being abused. However, the only person to blame is the abuser, the person who chooses to be abusive. Choosing to speak up about the abuse and to seek support is extremely challenging, difficult, and brave.

If a person decides to break their silence, it is important to consider who they can talk to. Is there a friend, family member or workmate?

There are multiple support services for people seeking to stay safe in, or leave, abusive relationships. Professional supports can help with developing safety plans, accessing services such as accommodation and housing, financial support, and legal support.