Single and ok!

It’s that time of year again where the shops are filled with love hearts and teddy bears and love songs are all you can hear as you walk through the aisles. At least the chocolate is on sale!

But seriously, Valentine’s day doesn’t have to be a day you dread. Valentine’s day isn’t just reserved for couples, it’s a day that celebrates love. Whether it be love for a friend or family member or love for yourself, it’s a day you should spend with gratitude for the ones you love, even if you’re single. Partnered love isn’t the only love available.

So, you’re single on Valentine’s day. Many people would say that’s a negative thing, but we take it as a positive. Take this day as an opportunity to treat yourself! Spend the day doing activities you love and enjoy doing. Indulge in your hobbies or even try something new. You could also spend it with friends and family that you cherish and take the opportunity to spoil them.

Many people who are single experience pressure or even anxiety around this time of year, especially when they see people posting about their relationships on social media. It could bring about feelings of inadequacy and feeling like they will never be in a relationship or are not capable of being in a relationship. When one is struggling with feelings of inadequacy, writing down the things you love about yourself and others as a practice of gratitude is key.

The good qualities that you think make you the person that you are are important to remember. Writing down the names of people in your life that love you or people in your past that have shown you kindness and compassion is a way of moderating negative feelings and reminding you of what’s been important, and what is important now. Reminders that you are worthy of love is a good way to practice gratitude for those people in your life and can help you realise you aren’t alone.

If you’re going through a break-up this Valentine’s day, it is especially important to be kind to yourself and seek support during these types of vulnerable times. Completely unplugging from social media to get away from all the couples posting about their relationships may be a necessary boundary to assist you with self care.

At this time, it can also be very easy to dwell on the past or past relationships. “What could have been?” or “what could I have done differently?”. Ruminating on these types of questions could create and cultivate a very negative headspace of toxic thoughts. When you’re going through a break-up it can also be easy for you to isolate yourself from certain situations or even your friends and family. It could be beneficial for you, especially on Valentine’s Day, to go grab a coffee with a friend or family member and get out of your own head for a while. If you feel like you aren’t coping or are experiencing feelings of low self-worth or intrusive thoughts, it may be beneficial for you to see your GP, or a mental health professional to guide you through this difficult time to the assistance you need.

Let’s make Valentine’s Day 2020, the day we celebrate love, not necessarily romantic relationships, but friendships and relationships with family or pets that are dear to you. Let’s make this Valentine’s day the day to be grateful for who you have in your life and don’t compare the relationships you have with the ones you see on social media or the movies. Remember to cherish and love the people in you’re life, not only on the 14th of February, but every day.

Here's a great book by Amanda Viviers DEAR SINGLE SELF