DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!

We know what it’s like entering a new relationship. The sun shines a little brighter, colours seem a bit more vivid and you feel as if nothing can disrupt this amazing feeling you have and share with your new partner. How great this feeling may seem, a lot of us know the feeling of heartbreak and disappointment when a relationship doesn’t pan out exactly how we expected it would. This often happens because boundaries weren’t established at the start of the relationship, or boundaries weren’t really upheld during the course of the relationship. Physical and emotional boundaries are extremely important in romantic relationships. We need to put them in place to make the relationship stronger and to help us feel safe with our partner as it helps builds trust.

Setting Physical Boundaries

Each individual person expresses their love in different ways. In the beginning stages of your relationship, it could be beneficial for you and your partner to talk about how comfortable you are about how each of you express your love for one another. For example, if one of you isn’t comfortable with showing affection in public, it could help if both of you talk about it and resolve the issue with a happy medium. Another physical boundary that is also important is what you are/aren’t comfortable with in the bedroom. You should never feel pressured by your partner to do something that you’re not comfortable with. This is why it is very important to set these boundaries in the beginning of the relationship, so that both of you know what the other expects and wants out of the relationship.

Setting Emotional Boundaries

Going slow can never hurt

There’s a reason why it’s called ‘falling in love’ and not ‘gently and carefully stepping into love.’ It’s so easy when you’re infatuated with someone to tell them everything about yourself. To tell them about the deepest parts of yourself and to share what really makes you who you are, right at the start. While it’s good that you’re willing to openly communicate and that you’re not isolating yourself, it could be beneficial to just hold off for a little bit. We’re not saying you shouldn’t tell them anything about yourself, but reserve those deeper parts of yourself when you know the person you’re dating is worthy of your trust.

Friendships are important

In a new relationship it’s very easy to spend the majority of your time with your new boyfriend/girlfriend. We understand, you want to spend more time with them so you can get to know them better and they can get to know you. However, maintaining relationships with friends and family is crucial. Having those connections and support system is really important, especially if the relationship doesn’t work out.

Enjoy where your relationship is now

Don’t jump into the future too quickly. When in a serious relationship it is important to ask the questions; “Where is this going?” or “Do I see myself having a future with this person?” However, in the beginning stages of a relationship it could be better for you and your partner to hold off on talking about moving in, or getting a pet, or getting married, or picking out the names of your unborn children, or any of the ‘big life stuff’. First, build trust and for the first few months just enjoy being together as you are without the pressure of the future.

Set boundaries by yourself

We recommend even before you get into a relationship, to make yourself a list of boundaries for yourself and how you want to be treated in a relationship. If you are already in a relationship, it could be beneficial for you and your partner to sit down and talk about (or even write out) what your boundaries are. It’s very important to set these standards and rules for ourselves, because we can’t expect our future/current partner to respect our boundaries if we don’t respect them ourselves. Boundaries are a key component in a happy and healthy relationship. They help protect us in the relationship itself and even if the relationship doesn’t work out. They help manage our expectations in terms of understanding what our partner needs and wants out of the relationship.

Some content from beyondblue Relationships for the long term by Rochelle Masters

Check out the song - The Tubes - Don't Touch Me There