Redefining Self-Care for Mothers
Mothers are often told to take care of themselves. Whilst this sounds like good advice, to a busy mother, this can feel like one more thing added to the never-ending list. Whereas if we reframe this suggestion to “mothers please prioritise being taken care of” it changes things.
The difference between the two statements is understanding that you need that same nurturance, softness and sweetness that you give to others; you must have it, and you must prioritise getting it. In our role as mother, we are not used to thinking of ourselves as needing this care.
The distinction is crucial: it's about recognising our inherent need for nurturance, softness, and sweetness, and actively prioritising those needs in our lives. This goes against the learned martyrdom of motherhood where the mother is endlessly selfless and giving. It is a paradigm shift that prioritises the mother’s needs alongside the child’s needs, because if the mother is not okay this can negatively impact her ability to care for her children.
In our modern world women are celebrated for their competence, strength, and success, it's easy to overlook the importance of gentleness and sweetness in our own lives. Yet, just as we provide love and care to our families, we must also extend that same level of care to ourselves. Instead of viewing self-care yet another task to check off, let's shift our perspective to prioritise being taken care of. It's about understanding that we deserve the same level of nurturance and support that we give to others. By making our own well-being a priority, we not only enhance our own lives but also become better equipped to care for those around us. So perhaps instead of thinking your all your spare time should be sunk into the kids' sports or activities, perhaps you consider something for yourself during the week.
This Mother's Day, let's embrace the idea of prioritising being taken care of. This might mean letting people into your world. Let's honour our need for gentleness and sweetness, and actively seek out opportunities to nurture ourselves.
For example;
- Carving out time for relaxation and activities that bring us joy,
- Resting in the comfort of others when we’re stressed,
- Finding places or people where we are unconditionally accepted,
- Knowing that you can be authentically you around the people you love the most, or,
- Simply connecting with others (even if it’s a quick chat with the barista at your local cafe, it doesn’t have to be a lifelong friend),
Let's make self-care a non-negotiable part of our lives. By doing so, we not only honor ourselves as mothers but also set a powerful example for our families and communities.
References
Fahey, J.O. & Shenassa, E. (2013). Understanding and meeting the needs of women in the postpartum period: the Perinatal Maternal Health Promotion Model. Journal of Midwifery Womens Health 58(6):613-21. doi:10.1111/jmwh.12139.
Lambermon, F., Vandenbussche, F., Dedding, C., & van Duijnhoven, N. (2020). Maternal self-care in the early postpartum period: An integrative review. Midwifery;90, 102799. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2020.102799.
